Alexandra Dotcheva

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome back, everyone, to the Tron podcast. This is Rashad Woods. Appreciate your time. I have a very special guest today, Ms. Alexandra Docheva. She has a great story. Inspiring. Lot smarter than I am. I'm just a guy talking. And when you get a chance to hear about her background, whether it's, you know, coming from a foreign country and being successful over here and learning all the ways to be successful and inspiring others and sharing that success, I really appreciate her time. Thank you so much, Alexandra. [00:00:32] Speaker B: Thank you, Rashad, for having me. Pleasure to be here. [00:00:35] Speaker A: So, you know, I. I can't this. I mean, your life's like a movie, right? Like, you come here, you know, and you from Bulgaria. Can you tell how you came from here? Huh? [00:00:45] Speaker B: Like. Like a movie gone wrong? [00:00:46] Speaker A: Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, you know, whatever, you know, I'll let you feel the details. But I loved reading about your story. You came from Bulgaria. Can you explain what inspired you to come here and how. How that all began? [00:00:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I was a violinist since very early childhood because I was born into a musician's family in Bulgaria, and the goal was to become a good violinist. But my parents also programmed me that I had to learn abroad when I grew up, because Bulgaria, there was not too much opportunity for musicians. And especially after Democracy came in 1989 when the regime fell, the communist regime, things went very wrong for culture in Bulgaria, unfortunately, because we wanted to copy everything from the developed countries, like America, but we took the absolute worst from America. Not the work ethic, not the culture, the good culture, but really the bad side of democracy, like all the sex stuff and drugs and whatnot. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Really very popular. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Yes, yes. And many orchestra started struggling, and I was still very young. I was in the music academy, working towards my bachelor's degree several years after democracy came, and. And it just wasn't looking good at all for musicians. My parents said, you really have to move abroad and do everything your best you can. And I auditioned several places in Europe, and then we got a connection with a fantastic teacher here in the United States who was a Bulgarian Armenian professor, Marty Rossian, who recently passed away, unfortunately. [00:02:08] Speaker A: But sorry to hear about that. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, things happen. But, yeah, he phenomenal teacher. And he took me in his class in Louisiana State University in 2000 when I came here to pursue my master's and doctoral in violin. So things didn't go as I expected because when I finished my doctoral degree, then the financial Crisis hit in 2000, saw that. Yeah, United States. Right. So I wasn't competitive enough as A musician. Even though I made great progress in the United States under Professor Martin Russian. And that's when I figured, well, I'm clearly in an early midlife Crisis. I was 32. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:41] Speaker B: In a violinist for 26 years. Professional. [00:02:43] Speaker A: That's amazing. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Well, yeah. But orchestras was bankrupting left and right in the United States because there was no government support for culture. Like in Europe, many countries, Germany, Italy, Spain, England, they support their orchestras. And even they did lots of cuts, even these countries, to our dismay, you know, because they have always been this rich classical music tradition in Europe which America wanted to copy after World War II. So, you know, they developed this wonderful orchestras here. The Boston Symphony in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, L.A. you name it, you know. [00:03:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:18] Speaker B: And it didn't work out. So I put myself to nursing school at 32. And in 2011, I became a practicing nurse. And then I saw how the nurses lived in the United States of America. I figured out, okay, there was a shortage. That means I would have a job everywhere in the world, which was great. I don't have to spend another 11 years in college to get a degree. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Right. [00:03:41] Speaker B: Also great. But then when I went to work as a nurse, the shortage was not not only because of people who didn't want to do the work nursing to learn to be nurses, but also often because of nurses who would call in left and right because they were burnt out from the job. So you have two aspects of shortage. And then I learned that job security was a myth because as a musician, I was more freelancing. I was part time employed in the Syracuse Symphony Orchestra, which subsequently bankrupted in 2011 when I was already graduating from nursing school. So job security was a myth. I figured, okay, I may be employed many places, but as far as endurance and the demands and the way these corporations that devour hospital after hospital, how they treat the nurses and to some extent the doctors, it was very eye opening. [00:04:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:26] Speaker B: And that's when in 2014, I began investing in real estate and created my three real estate businesses. [00:04:32] Speaker A: I saw that as well. [00:04:33] Speaker B: Right. So became an investor. Again, no financial background, just like I had no scientific background before I started learning nursing. And on top of that was my mindset. My mindset was terrible when I came to the States because I have no self confidence as a performing musician. I had big problems with stage fright for quite a few years when I came to the States. And I did my best to overcome that, but again, it didn't work the way I wanted. And so my confidence was zero. At age 32, when I went to nursing school and decided to depart from that whole mindset. And that was the toughest part, Rashad, because learning the science, then learning the finance didn't turn out to be that hard with my habit of studying nine hours a day because I was practicing the violin nine hours a day for so many years. So switching from practicing the violin to reading the nursing textbooks and then the financial education part that I wanted in order to become a successful real estate investor, that wasn't hard. But the mindset change was what really had to be worked on in order to achieve more than I had ever imagined myself. [00:05:33] Speaker A: So digesting information wasn't the hard part for you. It was the self confidence that you could do that particular task in front of you. You had the work ethic already. If you're practicing. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Yeah. When. Yeah. The unfamiliar information hits you in the face at the beginning. When you can't comprehend or understand 75 to 90% of the information that's sitting in front of you. When you have done only music and nothing but music for 26 to 30 years. [00:05:58] Speaker A: Right, right. [00:05:58] Speaker B: But once you decide that you're going to understand, we read a passage 6, 7 times until it gets into your brain. Oh, now I understand the great next passage. That's how I was studying for nursing, and that's overcomeable. But to get started, the mindset of getting started when you have no belief in yourself, that since you failed after practicing a trade for 26 years, how are you gonna master something in four or five years and then the finances in two or three years to start acquiring investment properties and dealing with tenants and create your own business? So all these mental barriers were the more challenging part now, in hindsight that I look about it. [00:06:36] Speaker A: So I'm just gonna. Yeah. And again, you know, you have so many things that, you know, I wrote notes about because I was like, she did this. She did this. These are so impressive. So my first question was, from the very beginning, when you came from Bulgaria, so you only knew the connection to the violin. You didn't know anybody else in the United States when you came over? [00:06:54] Speaker B: No. [00:06:55] Speaker A: Wow, that's amazing. And you went to Syracuse. Right. [00:06:59] Speaker B: So I first went to Louisiana State University. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Louisiana. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Excuse me, with the professor. Right. Lsu. And there were a couple of Bulgarians whom I knew from the music school. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:08] Speaker B: There were a couple of people, and they were very helpful, orienting me here and there and, you know, finding the apartment, rental apartment and everything. So this first orientation thing and then getting the gigs and auditioning for several orchestras and all that but once you are on your own after you graduate, then things get pretty rough. And the professor was always telling us you have to be extremely willing to audition, audition, audition, because you're getting into this crazy market when you're auditioning between 40 and 500 people for a single orchestra audition. And it was a rough market out there and I was very, very afraid to audition. I was given decent recitals as required by my degrees and everything when it came to the auditions because I had a couple of bad experiences in Bulgaria. And I carried that mental luggage with me to the United States and it proved to be extremely, extremely hard to get rid of it. And I tried so hard for so many years and I made some progress. But at the time when I was already 32, there were so many people that were way, way better than me because they didn't carry that mental luggage. And they were confident their nine hour practice in the practice room would translate on stage just the way they wanted it for 90% of what they wanted, as opposed to 60, 70% that I was able to deliver. [00:08:21] Speaker A: Got it. That was the difference. That was the difference. When you, so you obviously overcame that, did you get seek out help or did you kind of have a reflection, an inflection point when it came to your self confidence and self worth? Like how did you manage to come out of that mentality? [00:08:38] Speaker B: So I only halfway came out of the mentality as a musician and there were excellent people who really did their best to help me because I wasn't hiding the problem. I wasn't exactly bragging about it. I was trying to use it as an advantage, which was the dumbest thing do because admitting to people that you're afraid, I mean that's really not why. But I was very young and so I didn't know any better. When I switched to the science based career nursing then I knew absolutely nobody in the school where I went, in the job where I went. So nobody knew about my previous problems, right. Or my current problems at the time. So that's when I decided, okay, it's not their business, right? I'm going to present the way I want to actually be. I have been before. So that helped because when you have no history in the field and you start absolutely from scratch, you better take advantage of that chance you have and not ruin it from the start. So that's what helped. Changing environments completely. And it was very scary because I, like I said, I had no science base at all. I was 12 years in a specialized music school from the first to the 12th grade and then only bachelor's, master's and doctoral in specialized music institution. So there was no science based. But I had to read all the textbooks two, three times before the classes even started. [00:09:52] Speaker A: That's what I was curious about because, you know, usually when people pick a field like that, they kind of know, okay, they have community college courses, they have high school courses, they may have done some sort of internship in between then. So by the time they get to that, you know, all due respect, you were behind the eight ball when it came to your peers. [00:10:11] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:11] Speaker A: You know, when it came to just basic, I mean, you know, some of these people I'm sure were very advanced. And so the fact that you excelled in that and that very compressed amount of time is very impressive. [00:10:21] Speaker B: And so when you got your old with science base. Yeah, and I was 32 year old without any science base. [00:10:26] Speaker A: I mean, you, I mean, that's amazing. That's. [00:10:30] Speaker B: That's why I spent the summers reading the AMP book. I read four times from COVID to cover before I even started the class in the fall. It was one of the prerequisite classes in the community college before I even could venture to apply for nursing school. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Right. [00:10:44] Speaker B: So there were several classes they required. And I studied my butt off. Sometimes I studied until 3 o'clock in the morning before I went to the. [00:10:52] Speaker A: But that's how bad you wanted to be successful too. That's how bad you, you didn't want to fail and you had to get yourself out. I. That's very commendable for you. That's very impressive. That's awesome. Because I'm sure those are not easy books to read. I mean, you know, like, and I say this very respectfully, you know, I watch YouTube or, you know, you watch a medical show and that doesn't do anywhere close to service of what you had to do. [00:11:16] Speaker B: It's hard to read these books, but it was fascinating because I felt for the first time in so many years that my brain was actually awakening. Something new was presented to me and it was. I was hungry to know. And I read it many, many times over because of the terminology, because of the vocabulary. And in English, it's not my native language, obviously you hear the answer. So yeah, it's just. But the commitment was so natural because I knew how to work nine hours a day without getting paid. That was the story of my entire life since age 6. I didn't start at 9 hours when I was age 6, but I had to catch up with these young people who were much more knowledgeable than me. [00:11:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:11:56] Speaker B: And there was no other way around if I wanted to succeed. [00:11:59] Speaker A: And not to mention, and you know, when you're going into nursing school, you're making life and death decisions on people, you know, when it comes to their health. Like, that's a very personal field that, you know, you can't, you have to know what you're doing. Right. [00:12:14] Speaker B: High responsibility. Yeah. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Right. So my daughter plays violin. She's got, she's been starting playing violin since July. Yeah, for, yeah, fresh, you know, just learning how to play violin. So as soon as I read about your violin background, you know, I immediately thought of my oldest daughter and I thought about, you know, how difficult that is. Even when I put her violin in my hand, I'm like, yo, this is a difficult instrument to figure out. Like, you know, so she's making progress. But, you know, I'm gonna relay her story, your story to her about the commitment it takes to be very, very great and excellent at it. Because that's not an easy instrument. [00:12:47] Speaker B: No instrument. This is if you want to play it really well. [00:12:50] Speaker A: I'm sure I can't play a single one. Yeah. So. But yeah, you know, that really resonated with me because I immediately thought of my daughter when I heard about, you know, you, you know, in your success with the violin. So when you transition to real estate, you know, what spark went off in your head while you were doing your nursing and you realized that the field, you know, maybe had its pratfall, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's trappings in it, and you decided to branch out and get into real estate. How did that work out? [00:13:18] Speaker B: So what happened was I saw lots of broke nurses with much more seniority than me, and I couldn't comprehend how people got in these ridiculous credit card debts when they were making more money than I was making at the time. And I didn't have a single dollar in debt other than my nursing school loan, which I paid in four and a half years, or a 15 year old loan I paid for over four and a half years. But I already had my first investment property at that point. But I wanted to know how money is multiplied through investing and how I can create tangible cash flowing assets that are unrelated to a job. So I could have a choice to work or not to work should I want to. And there are lots of reasons to choose not to work at some points in your life. And there are also reasons to choose to continue working just so you practice the perseverance and do the Things that you don't want to do, so you become a stronger person. The other aspect of the job is you want to learn from the patients. I've learned from the patients more than I learned in nursing school. Strange as that sound, because I studied like crazy for nursing school, and I learned a ton in nursing school. Right? Yeah. And then you see the health care professionals who are walking, carrying every chronic disease known to man, yet teaching patients how to live healthy. That was the double standard. [00:14:27] Speaker A: That's crazy. That's crazy. [00:14:28] Speaker B: Things you hit you in the first one or two years. What the heck did I get myself into? You know, they were telling us in nursing school, you know, it's so stressful that you will inevitably add £15 in the cheers that you're with us. And I'm thinking, watch me not add £15 to the. You know, because I was a martial artist, I was very active physically, and there was no way I was going to add 15 or 5 pounds for that matter. But this mindset of excuse that if you're stressed, you have to medicate with food, and then it's okay to treat your chronic, reversible chronic conditions. 95% of chronic conditions are completely reversible. But. [00:15:00] Speaker A: Right. [00:15:01] Speaker B: They just succumb to that mindset of management for decades and decades and decades of you being sick. And I was. The first two years of my employment, I'm like, how long am I going to endure in this hypocritical environment without opening my mouth so badly that somebody will kick me out? Because I'm no diplomat, okay? I'm from Eastern Europe. And, you know, it took lots of years to learn to keep my mouth partially shut. It's never been completely shut, but partially shut. It was just a huge achievement for me. I wanted to learn finances because I recognized I was intimidated by the concept of understanding how money works, just as intimidated as I was in 2008 by the Scientific concept whether I would understand or not. So I taught myself. You understood nursing. You aced all your classes, and now you're practicing with your skills professionally, you can understand finances. Sit on your butt and learn it and do the work and acquire tangible assets. Get to the stress. Learn how to really manage money when you're taking care of tenants with their needs in the property. And it was the scary learning curve because the first property I bought was a fourplex. It was a building with four apartments. So you don't have just one rental problem. You have four multiplied, you know, because four air conditioners that can break, four heaters Dishwashers, everything was. You can rest assured that the first five years I dealt with all these four problems. [00:16:24] Speaker A: Oh my goodness. [00:16:25] Speaker B: So it was interesting. But I will never replace that learning curve for anything else because that's what really taught me resilience and solving problems. Because you put your ego in the back and you focus on your patients and then you focus on your residents. So two different sets of needs. One is life and death, sometimes the other one as well, they have roof over their heads and they. You have to be really, really correct and nice and respectful to them. So two different. [00:16:52] Speaker A: So how did you find out how to manage your time? Yes, I apologize for cutting you off. [00:16:56] Speaker B: That's good. [00:16:57] Speaker A: So you found a great way to manage your time. And I think this is very helpful for people. You know, I've learned by doing this podcast that it's very important to make sure that you have a schedule actually mapped out of the things that you're going to do. I would imagine being as successful as you are and as busy as you are, that you manage your time very well. [00:17:15] Speaker B: You have to. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:18] Speaker B: So I created a job schedule that is consistent every week with my nursing. Basically I picked to work the three weekend days, which is what everybody in the agency hates doing because most of them have children and they hate working weekends. So I said I'm going to work every weekend because during the weekends it's really hard to get a hold of contractors if you have prepared for the properties. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:39] Speaker B: So that's what I've been doing for the last 10 years, pretty much seven years now. Weekend nurse and long shifts, 12 hours. Because full time job. [00:17:49] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:50] Speaker B: The properties. So all these rental units, I mean they now take care of themselves. Because I have tenants that have stayed there for several years because of the fact that I never raised my rents the way the other landlords rates the rents during the COVID crisis. I mean, my tenants were saying their neighbors who are also tenants would have a lease change at end contract by 500, $400, $600. I'm like, what? I don't even increase my rents every year. I'm very much on the low end of the market. I maintain the properties very well and the people stay because I've told them, look, I was a tenant in this country for 14 years. The whole point is that you can afford your rent. So I never increase my personal expenses because I want to increase the rents. That's never the case. You manage the businesses integrity and then they flow and you manage your time because the tenants are so Nice. Sometimes they repair things themselves with my permission. Okay. [00:18:43] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:43] Speaker B: So we don't even have to wait for a contractor or that type of stuff. So you make the business work according to everybody's schedule. You try your best to create a win win situation or partially win win for everybody. Because there is always some compromise, okay. As soon as both sides are. But time management is where you really look. I don't know how to turn the TV in my house. Okay. I don't know how to do that because I don't watch tv. I don't really, for the sake of socialization. So I don't go drink coffee or tea with friends. I don't do that anymore because your time is your time. And if I want to go to the fitness two and a half hours a day, four or five days a week to stay in perfect physical shape, then you really can socialize because you got to take care of all these things holistically. Right. I'm a holistic confidence coach. So I have to be excellent manager of health, finances, my career and my relationships. Because it's a lot of prioritization with the relationship, just as there is with your time management. [00:19:42] Speaker A: Right. So do you. I wrote this down because I was so fascinated. It said so your experience as a nurse has obviously helped you when it came to nutrition, exercise and diet. So. And you said that a lot of chronic diseases can be solved based on, you know, how you actually treat yourself. So what foods. And I saw that you have, you eat, like whole foods. You're very specific about what you eat. What have you noticed from a nutritional level that you saw that is causing people all of these problems? [00:20:12] Speaker B: Well, one thing I learned very quickly that the USDA food pyramid is a total scam. Okay. Because they're prompting you to treat foods that are fundamentally unhealthy for your heart, for as far as chronic inflammation and colon cancer risk and all cancers risk, autoimmune, neurological, everything. So I'm a whole food organic vegan heaven for seven years. I actually stopped all the meat and poultry products in 2000 when I was 24. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Wow. [00:20:36] Speaker B: At 41, I completely cut the derivatives like eggs, milk, cheese, butter, all that stuff. And I stopped the seafood because of the contamination of the oceans. And then the farm raised fish. They're just as loaded with drugs and hormones and horrible stuff like the other animals that they raised. So why put this in my body, right? I have to be 100% example to my patients and loved ones if I want to have any credibility as a healthcare professional. Because When I advise them, okay, go vegan to reverse your type 2 diabetes within a month to four months. And the first question they ask is, well, are you vegan? So, yes, I am. I will never make you do anything. I'll never suggest that you do something that I'm not doing myself. [00:21:17] Speaker A: Right. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Because you wouldn't trust me. Right. And then you're like, oh, okay, a little bit more receptiveness. But as far as the vegan diet, I had a very close loved one who reversed three chronic conditions within four months after adopting the vegan diet. But we have to understand, because the skeptics for the vegan diet say, well, your meat substitutes are just as bad. Well, we don't eat meat substitutes. We don't eat processed foods. Okay, so there is this aspect that, yes, the industry will always create processed foods from any type of diet because they want to survive. [00:21:49] Speaker A: Correct. [00:21:49] Speaker B: See increased demand. They want to create crap for people to buy so that the industry can survive. So you stay away from that stuff. That's a different type of relationship. Like, you prioritize your relationship. So who do you buy food from? Is very important. You go to organic local farmers. That's where you buy your food. It doesn't come directly from organic soil. You don't touch it. It's just that simple. Right. So fruits, vegetables, legumes, grains, that's all we eat. We prepare all of our ingredients. Needless to say, we do not touch restaurant food. We don't spend money on restaurant food because inferior ingredients. Yeah, overpriced. And they cook with tap water, which is loaded with endocrine disruptors and other poisons. Right. So you put these limits in your life and then you lose a lot. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Of friends because yeah, they, oh, no question, no question. [00:22:37] Speaker B: Start questioning you. They think this crazy and they, well, we can't go drink tea. We want to have some good food. So do you want to see me or do you want to have a large meal with company? Because there is a difference. Well, they don't like that. So whatever. So that's that. You clear the relationships that way very nicely. And speaking of time management, the people who don't want to be with you because you make them feel uncomfortable with your habits, they leave your life and then you have even more free time to be successful and invest and work better and develop yourself, write a book and whatever you want to do. So things take care of themselves after a couple of years of good time management and prioritization in your health. But the health Rashad in healthcare system is Horrific. Basically I learned what, what they were doing to do exactly the opposite. That's what took me the most time to understand. [00:23:28] Speaker A: I got. So how do you. I don't want. And I could go down the wormhole of food all day because I, I trust a nurse to tell me, you know. But how do you, if it comes to traveling, like how do you, how do you make your arrangements for your food if you're traveling? Because if you go to an airport, there's nothing but junk food in an airport. Right. And you're limited to that at all. [00:23:46] Speaker B: Yeah. I bring apples in my backpack. I bring my organic nut trail mix. Make myself a sandwich with homemade bread with homemade hummus, all made of organic ingredients. So I know exactly how much I'm gonna eat. I don't eat the airplane food either. I never order, even bother to order myself a vegan meal because I always refuse the food there. I just take the water and I might get a glass of wine with my homemade meal. But I tell on the airport said, look, I'm taking this food because I'm a whole food, organic, vegan. I'm not touching your food. They never make problems. Problems for me. [00:24:18] Speaker A: Okay. [00:24:18] Speaker B: That's what my boyfriend and I do. We always prepare our food. [00:24:21] Speaker A: Got it. So can we, you know. And how many real estate you have? Three real estate companies. Right. Currently, right now. [00:24:28] Speaker B: So there are several single family homes. There are multi family. I mean, whatever. I get the price that I like. [00:24:34] Speaker A: Right. [00:24:35] Speaker B: Okay. I'm currently waiting for the market to crash to possibly acquire more properties because currently that's not a buyer's market unless you really want a super bad fixer apart. And even that will be a compromise at this point. It also depends how many properties you want to manage and how much you trust a company to manage your properties. Because I don't trust anybody. Honestly. [00:24:55] Speaker A: I can tell. I can tell. You've gotten your yourself this far successfully. Right. By trusting your own instincts and your own hard work ethic. Why would you want to do anything else? [00:25:04] Speaker B: There are lots of people who don't like to work. There are lots of people who don't like working. And I try to stay away from such people the best I can. [00:25:12] Speaker A: I understand that. I understand that. That's a great mindset to have. So can we. And this. All of your properties are in the Ariz area, correct? [00:25:20] Speaker B: Yes, we moved specifically to Arizona. So I can start the real estate in 2014 because it was a very landlord friendly state, a great climate because we were in Syracuse, New York before that and the winter. There is just really many things. But Arizona is much better. It has its own weather challenges, but they're much more manageable. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Got it, got it. So let's talk a little bit about your book. And I saw that you obviously have a holistic book. What made you on the path to sharing, to even write, right? Like, how did that spark the neck? You've done, you've managed properties, you're a nurse, violinist. How did you get to the next stage of writing a book? [00:25:56] Speaker B: Because several people who knew me very well and those who didn't know me, they started asking questions. So how the people who didn't know me said, how do you manage all this? Why don't you describe all of your approaches so that maybe you can help somebody else? But the people who knew me were like, you were the most timid and the most reluctant person to learn anything outside of music. What the heck happened to you that you did that? And then, and then I figured, well, in all the areas of my life, which is health, spirituality, relationships, career and finance, I've done the same system. Basically, you clear the bad stuff out of the way and then you figure out what you want to put first. You first to figure out your goal, what you want to have in all these areas. Then you understand what's stopping you from having what you want. You get rid of that without any compromise in all areas of your life. And then you feel in the things that you want to have in these areas. And since I used this same mindset and system in all these five areas of life, the book structure came in my head in a matter of two minutes, basically. And it took six months to write. Then the editing was a longer process to be presentable. But it has changed several people's lives, to my knowledge. And then I started the coaching business. The holistic confidence. [00:27:05] Speaker A: I was going to ask about that actually too. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I told him, look, if you read the book, which is the least expensive option, coaching wise, and if you do everything I tell you in the book to the of your ability, you will not need my coaching. [00:27:17] Speaker A: Right? [00:27:18] Speaker B: Because this is something that works. It's basically the book I wish I could have read 15 years ago. That was the first question I asked myself. Okay, so if I want to write the book, what would I loved to read when I was first starting on the path? Nursing and the crossroads, the early midlife crisis. Because it's a horrible period of your life, you feel in a vacuum for like a week. I remember when I learned that I wasn't when I made the decision that I had to change my life. I was playing these concerts with the Syracuse Symphony and there was nothing in my brain. I was like a mechan or robot and nothing made sense. [00:27:48] Speaker A: Going through the motions, more or less. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Very scary. Very scary existence. But I knew there was no way back. It's like a door had shut forever in my mentality and I had to only go forward. It was that dark time, 2008. [00:28:02] Speaker A: That's, you know. And so now do you have people who still do coaching with you who said, okay, I like the book, but I want to learn with you? Because some people are very. The book is helpful and, you know, but they want to have a personal relationship with the person that's helping them. Do you, do you have a clientele base? [00:28:19] Speaker B: Sometimes I do have a very small clientele base because we pick each other very carefully. For one thing, most people, when they hear the book, read the book, they get scared because the book is all about discipline. And people don't like that. I mean, they expect to learn stuff without having discipline. I mean, I wait. I went through this period myself with my real estate coaching coaches and mentors, but really instilled great time management mindset in me because they knew that most of their mentees worked full time. Many of them had children, yet they were successful investors. So you need to do something with your. The way you approach your life and your time that is uncompromising and high responsibility and integrity. And so that's when I learned, because my coaches, for instance, they would not reschedule if I wanted to reschedule a session. And that was in the contract, immediately, scheduled sessions will not be rescheduled. That's how they tested your dedication. [00:29:12] Speaker A: Right. [00:29:12] Speaker B: This book is the same way. Okay, so in your health, relationships, spirituality, career and finances, you apply the same integrity without compromise. Well, many of the people who read the book, they don't like that. Of course it scares them because it's a lot of responsibility on their plate. Those who approach me for coaching, we first do a free session, two to three hours, to see if, if they really are. [00:29:35] Speaker A: If it's right for them. Yeah, if it's right for you and your time. [00:29:39] Speaker B: Exactly. Because I, I don't need clients, obviously. I mean, I don't need your money either. But you will pay because if you don't pay, you will not commit. That's as simple. And the small amount of clients I have, they've done very well. We have one year free access to me after the coaching. The coaching is 12 weeks. Okay, so we see each other once a week. I give them these atrocious assignments in every area of life. We, one by one we go through all the aspects and then for a year they can contact me. And I prefer they have many more questions because then I know they're working on it. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:30:12] Speaker B: They don't contact me. They're like, okay, so great, you paid for a coaching session for 12 weeks and now you are again when you were 15 years ago. Awesome. Good for you. So it's not easy to be successful and I'm by far haven't reached my full potential yet at all. There are people who switch who are so much more successful and work 10 times more than I do. And that's what I tell everybody. Look, if I could do this, you can do it, anybody can. Because I never thought I would be able to. And when people believe that, the whole point is to believe in yourself. Because what you think about yourself, what I think about you, doesn't matter. What do you think about yourself that you can do and you can't do? You'll be right either way. [00:30:48] Speaker A: Right. [00:30:48] Speaker B: And I can kick your butt in several directions to hold you accountable because I will hold you accountable if you're. [00:30:53] Speaker A: My right for sure. [00:30:55] Speaker B: Right. Again, it's very individual. But the people who have listened, they've done very, very well for themselves. [00:31:04] Speaker A: That's amazing. That's amazing. You know, I saw that you had written the book and you know, I saw that. You know, it's. So when people talk holistic, you know, I think sometimes that word gets thrown around a lot. Like people hear it like it's, it's become part of the regular verb that people. But if you ask people to describe it associated with, they get kind of lost. [00:31:21] Speaker B: Most associated with healing. [00:31:22] Speaker A: Right, right, right. So you've determined you've matched your, your nursing background with self confidence and time management and made it the best of all those worlds that come together so that you are fully disciplined with every task that you want to accomplish. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Yes. See, the holistic doesn't always often include the financial aspects. But how many people have horrible health problems that they can't properly manage because they think they don't have enough money? Money. And in many cases they don't have enough money. Right. So holistic is every aspect of your life. It's not just the health. Because when they talk about holistic health, they're trying to distance themselves from the traditional medicine that treats only with medications and doesn't ask about your stress levels, about your Emotional. So holistic health, great. But holistic life health is just one of five aspects. And there could be more than five aspects. I've just tried to keep it really, really simple. Just five aspects to focus on. And to some people that seems like a lot. Okay. When it's really not. Because all these five aspects are integral part of your existence. So if you don't question all of them, go ahead. [00:32:29] Speaker A: I was just gonna say people always say they're too busy, but then you find out when you're talking to them they're not. [00:32:34] Speaker B: Right. [00:32:34] Speaker A: They just don't mention time. [00:32:35] Speaker B: Well, exactly, exactly. Many people are not as busy at all as they think or claim to be. And many people say they're busy because they want to be left alone home, Right. To goof and do whatever. And again, that's very poor time management because that means they don't manage their work time properly either if it stresses them so much, they're not prioritizing their careers appropriately. And it's very intricate how everything is intertwined, these five aspects. But if you straighten them out and you have to work at them at the same time, you can't neglect one for the sake of the other. And then you have these people who think they have one problem they talk about, but actually the problem is in a different aspect of their lives entirely. But they don't want to talk about that. So that two, three hour session, I ask these questions because if anything, in nursing I learned about nursing assessment and I'm an interrogator when it comes to health and asking questions. [00:33:26] Speaker A: Oh my goodness. [00:33:28] Speaker B: Yeah, because then it's the same thing. [00:33:30] Speaker A: Right? You know, because I could imagine that you see what somebody is suffering from and then when you ask them about their lifestyle, they're not giving you the full details of what they actually do that got got to this point. They wanna. [00:33:43] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:33:44] Speaker A: And then it's your job to poke holes in it. Like. And you say, no, I know you did something like this or similar to this or you wouldn't be suffering from X, Y and Z. [00:33:52] Speaker B: Yes, yes, that's right. That's right. It's. It's so strange how people are very protective of their details of their life, but then they're the ones that allow the problem to happen in the first place. [00:34:01] Speaker A: Right. [00:34:01] Speaker B: They don't want to mention it because they're embarrassed and it doesn't. Look, there is nothing to be embarrassed about because I've made my own mistake. [00:34:08] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:34:08] Speaker B: I'm a super late starter in life. I'm your typical Example for late starter in everything. So if I could do it, anybody can. You and your family and everybody else. [00:34:19] Speaker A: So takes up here. [00:34:20] Speaker B: You gotta be very encouraged by that and inspired. [00:34:24] Speaker A: I gotta ask you the most important question while I've had you on here. I tell you, you know, you got me pumped and excited to manage my life and time better. What martial art was it that you used? I saw martial arts in your bio. You mentioned it, but I never heard which one. One. [00:34:38] Speaker B: So there were several, as a matter of fact. I started with kempo karate. I was already at the red belt level, was about to take my black belt test when I decided that when I saw that the school was giving black belts left and right and I was a very intense practitioner, but I thought I was not going to be associated with that black belt. So then changed styles into Okinawan karate. And that's really what I have described in detail in chapter six of the book. Because my grandmasters were amazing in that nice discipline. That's where I got my black belts. And it was a tremendous, tremendous competition booster. And they always wanted the, you know what? I applied to the Dodger then to be applied mindset wise into the real Dodger cult life. Okay. Then I came to Arizona and nobody was teaching Okinawan shoring gojo ru karate. So I did aikido for a couple years. [00:35:21] Speaker A: I know a black belt on aikido. Actually. [00:35:24] Speaker B: It's a fantastic, fantastic martial art. After that, again, I saw some politics in the dojo that I just got tired of looking at and I then I hit the gym like a mad person. Person at age 41. [00:35:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:36] Speaker B: That's when I learned to do between 80 and 100 pull ups with my own weight. Very high resistance cardio. So basically I created my own physical schedule that reversed a couple of injuries that I had sustained from the martial arts. I had a brain injury, I had a knee injury. All this reversed with the exercise regimen that I right. Figured out. And I've been very, very dedicated to fitness practitioner since July 2017. That's fantastic because with the martial arts it was a little bit harder to do the fitness and all the business, but once I became a master of my own fitness regimen, it's actually great. And I still practice martial arts at home. [00:36:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:11] Speaker B: But I'm away from that whole politics because there is a lot of politics. [00:36:14] Speaker A: In a dojo and, oh, they're absolutely. [00:36:17] Speaker B: Favoritism and all that. So at some point you have to draw a line and yeah, people get injured. Rashad. It's interesting because they get injured, they do surgeries, they then continue the market martial arts. I was told, oh, you can't have this. And this surgery. Said, no, no, no, no, I'm not having any surgery. You don't understand. I'm being healthy. [00:36:33] Speaker A: Yeah, right, right, right, right. [00:36:35] Speaker B: These conversations were very interesting. So I can tell you so many stories. [00:36:39] Speaker A: I think anybody who's, who's been involved in martial arts, you know, myself included, I have a, a black belt first Don. You know, technically it's dark blue, tung sudo. Right. People get all technically like the technical for the, for the uninformed about martial arts. Right. Because I have a first time beat. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Up somebody who is attacking you or not the belt doesn't matter. [00:36:58] Speaker A: Right. That's really like that. It's funny you say that, right? [00:37:01] Speaker B: Because I tell them damage in the shortest time frame period. [00:37:04] Speaker A: That's exactly what it boils down to. Right. And so I tell everybody, you know, this is, I always tell this to every school I've ever trained at. I said, I'm not worried about beating up anybody in here. You know, you may find somebody better than you. I said, I just have to beat somebody attacking me who's untrained. Right. That's so you know, And I have, I did that. I have a brown belt, taekwondo and I've done Brazilian jiu jitsu and Muay Thai. [00:37:25] Speaker B: So fantastic. [00:37:27] Speaker A: The, the discipline. Thank you. Thank you. And the one thing you learn about taking martial arts, you better take that ego out of that place before you walk in there. Now you're always going to have the politics and you're always gonna have. It's just like life. You always meet people from XYZ point of view in life or whatever. When you're in there, it's about the business and that you're taking up the task at hand. So your ego needs to be left at the door. You'll get a real rude wake up call. [00:37:52] Speaker B: It's four things. It's respect for others. It's perseverance. It's self respect. [00:37:59] Speaker A: Yep. [00:38:00] Speaker B: Self respect. And then the fourth component, I get to formulate it, Pain tolerance. Yes, extremely important. But truthfully, self respect came last for me. I don't know how it was for you in martial arts because I had zero self respect because of my poor confidence when I started it. [00:38:14] Speaker A: Right. [00:38:14] Speaker B: But it also teaches you a lot of, you know, self respect. In the end, when you learn how to treat others respectfully, then it comes goes back to you. [00:38:23] Speaker A: I think that, that when people do martial arts, particularly people who have stuck with it. Because a lot of people get introduced to it at a certain age and they fall off in six months, a year. Life happens. Or they didn't like that their mom or dad put them in it and they found other things to do. But for people who stuck around with it and stayed with it, it. There's a certain mentality you notice about them. Right. Of how they approached it. They really like, you know, like, they have a certain level of discipline that you. That is really admirable. And you'll sit back and say, okay, they. They do certain things in a certain manner. They're very structured or they're very, you know, businesslike in their approach of how they do things. Because when they put that black belt, that they understood what it took to get there and they gave up a lot of themselves to do. Do it. [00:39:07] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. If you had a teacher like mine in New York, the Tierney martial arts family, Greg Tierney, and they wouldn't actually even write your name in the American Martial Arts association after you first earned your black belt. But they will subject you to the same test a year later. [00:39:25] Speaker A: Wow. [00:39:26] Speaker B: Then they will give you the first stripe and put you in the AMA list. Because many people will give up when they. [00:39:31] Speaker A: Yes. [00:39:32] Speaker B: And then they go away. So we had to. And their tests were horrific. At four days. They lasted four days. [00:39:37] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Black belt test. So it was very. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, the second time around, then you get your. And you still have your black belts around your waist, but the stripe comes a year later. [00:39:48] Speaker A: Well, you know, I could. Again, I could talk about this all day. So. But, you know, it's just. It's always. I love talking to people who really know martial arts and not just what they saw on a clip, on a TV or a movie, because it's so much more than that. [00:40:01] Speaker B: It's more painful than watching. [00:40:04] Speaker A: Extremely more painful. Extremely more painful. So, you know, I know your time is valuable and I appreciate it, and I want to thank you for the opportunity to share your time with me. How can people find more about you? [00:40:19] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me. That was a really great time. Wonderful talking with you, and hopefully we helped your audience get more motivated and get out there and do things. But, yeah, I have a website. It's called holisticselfconfidence.com. surprise, surprise. Right, Right. The book is there. Here is the book. It's called. It really is Simple, A Holistic Approach to Self Confidence. A Practical Guide. So the paperback is available on the website. Holistic self confidence.com in the US the ebook is also on the website on Amazon as well, Barnes and Noble, Apple Books and Smashwords. Ebook is less expensive because of course, no printing costs, but very accessible. And just go ahead and get it if you want and start. You'll see that anybody who has written a book about self confidence can be useful to you because if they draw from personal experience, in many cases you can relate. And you see, oh, okay, somebody went through this. My situation is a little different, but I can do this if they could. And we all have the same fears, the same sensitizations. Doesn't matter, woman, man. We're all human. So just go out and do it. Because life is really short. [00:41:26] Speaker A: No question about that. And I think that, you know, the path that, and I say this respectfully based on the path that you took. It roots out excuses for people who didn't have to go through some of the things that you did. Right? [00:41:39] Speaker B: Yeah. We never should use the uniqueness of our situation as an excuse not to do things. We never should do that. And I used to do it all the time, guys, for more than two decades. Really. I'm very guilty of that. I admit many times in the book and elsewhere that I use that mindset because it was convenient. It was very, very unhelpful, very helpful. [00:41:58] Speaker A: And that's why, you know, people, they resort to food to cover up their problems. It's easier to, you know, eat rather than eat properly. Right. Because it's hard. Right. So no, thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you being a guest on the show and in motivating not just myself, but people who will be listening as well too, because there is opportunity out there. You just have to grab aspect. [00:42:20] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me, Rashad. Such a pleasure.